


Brave Face (Talk So Lightly)

by AssassinOfRome



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically Dirk still isn't OK and it's hurting him (and me), Brotzly - Freeform, Emergency dance parties, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I PROMISE IT MAKES SENSE, I wrote this instead of studying, Love Confessions, M/M, Todd quits smoking, Todd to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-01-30 02:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinOfRome/pseuds/AssassinOfRome
Summary: Todd wonders how many more gulps of coffee his body can take before his heart decided to reach its inevitable conclusion and completely explode.It was day three of the Cardenas case, and they were no closer to finding the boy than they had been previously, despite their somewhat terrifying encounter with the purple monster-thing, and Dirk’s discovery of the strange scissors. No doubt both of these would be connected eventually, but it was hard to handle the holistic hold of the universe at 2AM.Todd wonders if this is what his wit’s end felt like. It was surprisingly less frayed than he’d pictured.Dirk and Todd are shaken up after the incident at the Cardenas House, and have a conversation they probably should have had much earlier.NOW WITH DANCING EPILOGUE





	1. Chapter 1

Todd wonders how many more gulps of coffee his body can take before his heart decided to reach its inevitable conclusion and completely explode.

It was day three of the Cardenas case, and they were no closer to finding the boy than they had been previously, despite their somewhat terrifying encounter with the purple monster-thing, and Dirk’s discovery of the strange scissors. No doubt both of these would be connected eventually, but it was hard to handle the holistic hold of the universe at 2AM.

Todd wonders if this is what his wit’s end felt like. It was surprisingly less frayed than he’d pictured.

He was glad he wasn’t alone, knowing full well he would have given up long ago if it weren’t for the quiet determination of his companions. Farah was chipping away at the tree skeleton, trying to uncover any more explanatory injuries. Hobbs and Tina were rifling through old files, searching for anything that could link the Cardenas to Wendimoor. Even Bart and Panto were out of their cages, and were holding a pair of children’s safety scissors each, trying to work out precisely how the stab wound had been inflicted, and how such a small item could be such a large weapon. They seemed to be having a wonderful time, and Todd was more than happy to leave them to it, knowing Farah was keeping careful watch over them both. He was supposed to be researching the local area to find any potential crossovers between Bergsberg and Wendimoor, but for the last fifteen minutes, he’d done nothing but stare at Dirk.

Dirk had been pacing back and forth for hours now, and Todd felt dizzy just watching him. In fact, he was fairly certain Dirk was going to wear a hole through the dusty floorboards of the station, or perhaps the equally dusty soles of the horrid shoes he’d borrowed from Tina’s box of mystery music festival cast-offs. How could he do anything in those rancid things? It must have been difficult to walk, let alone run or cycle or –

Scratch that. He didn’t like to think of Dirk cycling, especially not Dirk cycling alone and in the cold dark like he had the night previously. How had he eve managed it? Todd had been sleeping significantly more than Dirk these last few nights, and even he felt like he couldn’t so much as twitch his finger out of exhaustion, let alone cycle for two hours and inspect a downright terrifying nightmare house, only to end up running for his life, avoiding monsters and generally tumbling through the fabric of reality.

Luckily he didn’t have much time to speculate on such concerning matters, as Tina stood up, cracked her back and addressed the room with a bright smile, uttering perhaps the most disgusting suggestion Todd had heard all night, in a long line of disgusting, murder-based suggestions.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m feeling stiff as a board. How about a little emergency dance party to get the blood flowing again, eh?”

Fuck. That. No way was he dancing.

Todd instinctively glanced at Dirk, expecting his friend to be all giddy at the idea. He’d seen Dirk dance quite often, considering he’d only technically known the man for about nine days, if one was being generous. He’d swung and swayed in Todd’s flat whilst they’d been investigating the Patrick Spring case, though he thought no-one had seen, being all caught up in the murder and whatnot. He’d danced while they were digging holes, after Todd had the ingenious idea of turning on the car’s radio, the noises of nature being far too peaceful for such hardcore holistic work. He’d even done a little jig after Todd had given him the Mexican Funeral t-shirt, though Todd had made him stop pretty quickly afterwards, for fear of opening the very fragile stitching in his shoulder. So when Dirk didn’t so much as bat an eyelid at the prospect of a dance party, Todd knew he should be concerned.

Like Tina, he eased himself to his feet, and her eyes lit up for a moment, as she fiddled with a small battered radio in the corner. Yet he politely declined her invitation for a dance, made with an eager grin and wide swinging arms, instead inching over to Dirk and nudging him lightly with his foot. Dirk blinked rapidly, as if just waking up from a bad dream, and frowned at him wordlessly.

“Come on, I need some air.”

“C’mon, have a dance, boys!” Hobbs was already tapping his feet, spinning slightly to the bouncy beat Tina had selected, making Todd question just how often these dance breaks were. Todd shook his head politely, and tugged on Dirk’s sleeve.

“Nah, I need a cigarette. You guys keep going.” He tried to keep the snigger out of his voice, which was quite a challenge, especially when Tina mooched on over to Farah, who was looking petrified by the other detective’s gyrating hips and waggling eyebrows.

“Don’t worry boys, Farah’ll dance with me, won’t you Farah?”

“Farah will not.” Todd managed to make out as he led Dirk to the back entrance, Farah’s complaints fading away as they stepped out into the darkness.

Taking a deep breath of the cool, clear air, Todd finally felt like he could think again. He took a seat on the back step and looked out as far as he could. If it weren’t for the brightness of the porch’s emergency light, he could have pretended he was back in Seattle, having his customary late-night smoke outside of the Ridgley.

That was a lie tough, he thought, as he glanced up at the stars. They were bigger and brighter than they ever were in the city, and he felt himself compelled to make a wish. He knew it was a habit he should grow out of, but in his heart, he still liked to keep that last tiny bit of hope.

Dirk taking a seat next to him wasn’t quite what he’d wished for, but it was near as damned. Yet he seemed even more troubled in this relative peace, alternating between hunching tight over his folded arms and hugging his knees.

“You know I don’t smoke.” Dirk frowned at him, but it was half-hearted at best, his tone void of any suspicion or even concern. There was perhaps a flicker of interest when Todd pulled a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and fiddled with them.

“Yeah, well…” He paused, and looked up at the ivory packaging, and then up at Dirk’s face, which was almost as pale. Steeling himself, Todd gave the packet a little nod – a slight salute – and threw it as far as he could, out into the night. He heard a thump as it collided with something solid, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Instead he turned to Dirk and looked up at him with a smile. “Now neither do I.”

He could almost hear Farah calling him out on his bullshit. He’d been smoking almost non-stop since Dirk had gone missing, going through whole packets in the brief stints between refuelling on their long slog to find Dirk. He’d put it down to stress – to losing Dirk, to losing Amanda, to the pararibulitius – but he knew even without those factors, he’d probably still be smoking. He liked it, he enjoyed it.

He didn’t like how every cigarette made a little crease form between Dirk’s eyebrows, though. How he’d purse his lips in disapproval, and then look away without making a comment. Todd might have even preferred it if Dirk had voiced his judgements. So long as he voiced something.

Dirk was still peering out into the darkness, squinting as if straining to solve yet another mystery. Todd could feel the confusion, the hopelessness, radiating off him in waves, and when Dirk turned to him, baffled and lost, he used his now free hands to grab his shoulders.

“Look, I know you’ve been worrying a lot about what’s going to happen to us – what’s going to happen to me – if we carry on with this sort of life. Now, I can’t promise that I’m going to be with you forever, but I want to be with you for as long as possible. For the rest of my life if I can.” He felt his hands reach up to cup Dirk’s cheeks. “And I know that means more of this. More crazy cases, more magic and monsters, more emergency dance parties. I accept that – I want that. I want all this madness because it means I’m in your world. And I love it. I… I love you.”

There. He’d said it. He didn’t mean to, but despite all the mounting tension in his chest he didn’t regret it, not a word. The only thing that caused him any remorse was seeing the tears that had been brewing up in Dirk’s eyes for what felt like days finally spill out, all over his hands. But even that doesn’t matter because Dirk leans in and presses their mouths together.

It’s very different from the other first kisses he’s had, even with guys. For one, he’s not drunk, or stoned, or sopping with beer, though he is getting a little bit damp from Dirk’s tears. And it’s not as awkward; he doesn’t feel himself wanting to shift positions, and though their noses bump together a little, he finds it endearing, rather than irritating.

It’s also much much shorter. Dirk pulls away quickly – too quickly, Todd thinks – and the sudden rush of cold air makes him shiver. When he recovers his senses, he can see that Dirk has cupped both hands over his mouth and looks torn between scandalised and elated.

“First time?” Todd asks, on a hunch. Dirk’s powers must be rubbing off on him, as the man in question nods, slowly. There’s a bright burning flush on his cheeks, and Todd wants to kiss them too, but he knows better than to leap back in.

“They… they said I shouldn’t do that…” Dirk says after a few seconds, sounding like a frightened child, like he always does when he mentions Blackwing, even vaguely. But his hands are lowering, and one creeps across the porch to slip around Todd’s. Their fingers lace together like puzzle pieces, meant to always be linked. “They said… falling for someone was… was dangerous, and foolish, and would get us both killed. But… but I can’t stop it, Todd. That’s not how it works.”

“I’m glad it’s not.” He gives Dirk’s hand a squeeze, and watches the corner of his mouth turn up slightly. It’s not a full smile, but they’re getting there. “I’m glad you fell for me, because I’ve been falling for you too, and it was getting quite lonely here by myself.” Another corner twitches. “And it doesn’t matter what they say. This is your life, not theirs, and you can do whatever you want with it.” He pauses, and runs his thumb over Dirk’s knuckles. “ _Take control of your life, Dirk._ ”

The peals of laughter that ring out through the night are the most beautiful sound Todd has ever heard, and when they fall quiet in lieu of more kissing, he knows that – no matter what – the two of them are going to be just fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys asked for it, and I responded. Here it is; the famed dancing epilogue! (It's not famed, shut up Holly) 
> 
> Also this got way sweeter and schmoopier than I expected so... yay?

In all the conventional ways, Dirk cannot dance.

Sometimes, he seems to be moving completely randomly, limbs flailing off-beat, spinning and swinging in ways that no ballroom or nightclub has ever seen before. Then sometimes it seems as if he’s following a very specific pattern, first a bounce, then a bob, then a slight shimmy, before sliding back into his initial position. He’s even worse than Tina, who’s going for something in between a jive and an epileptic fit, which is even funnier in comparison to Farah’s stoic swaying. But he seems happy – genuinely happy – for what feels like the first time in forever. In Todd’s arms, he is loose and warm, and he’s grinning that ridiculously adorable grin that shouldn’t be sweet, but is.

Seeing the way Dirk’s eyes wrinkle when he smiles, Todd suddenly wonders what Dirk’ll look like when he’s older. Will his bright eyes be obscured by thick glasses, and framed by laughter lines? Will the soft russet of his hair fade to grey or white? Will his long body shrink and twist, permanently hunching over to better inspect clues or pet lost cats?

As scary a thought as that is, an easier one leaps into his chest; he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that Dirk will change at the whim of the universe, so long as he’s there to change with him. To be with him, he realises. He doesn’t ever want to leave Dirk’s side.

So when the music softens into something slower, he cups Dirk’s face in his and runs the pads of his thumbs over Dirk’s cheeks. He wonders if they ache now, from all the smiling, and can’t resist kissing them better, brushing little pecks over his brow and nose. Dirk’s lips are soft when they press against his, and Todd grins when he feels the warmth of Dirk’s blush against his fingertips.

“You just kissed me.” Dirk whispers, all wonder, when they break apart, resting their foreheads together as they rock back and forth. At some point, Dirk’s arms have wrapped around his waist and are holding him close, apparently having none of the shy reservations of his voice. It feels marvellous.

“I know. I was there.” He can’t help but tease, hands slipping down to rest on Dirk’s neck, stroking in small circles, and brushing occasionally across his clavicle. He never thought a collarbone could be so attractive, but as always, Dirk lives to teach him new things. He feels Dirk squeeze him slightly, rolling his eyes in exasperation before settling on something fonder.

“You kissed me. In front of all these people.” From Dirk’s awe, you would have thought they were in a stadium, yet their present company remained a now sleeping Hobbs and the girls, who seemed to be too wrapped up in their own intimacy to notice them, pressing fingertips and noses between kisses in a way that Todd longed to imitate. Instead, he gives a little laugh, and rests his head against Dirk’s chest. He feels reassuringly solid, heart thumping strongly in Todd’s ear. He closes his eyes and makes a note to hold onto this moment.

“It was a damn good kiss.” He mumbles into the fabric of Dirk’s shirt, and feels Dirk shake slightly with silent laughter. He feels a hand in his hair, petting gently before the reply comes, as wholesome as Todd had pictured.

“Yes. Yes I rather think it was.” And there is one last pause because despite everything, Dirk still has a vulnerability to him now that a few kinds words and a hug won’t fix. But he seems to overcome it, swallows and smiles again. “Want to do it again?”

“More than anything else in the world.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah there was less dancing than was initially advertised, but more kissing so... win-win? 
> 
> Honestly, I've been having a pretty rough day, and seeing how people reacted to this really made my heart grow, and my mood lift, so hopefully this little addition can do the same for you guys! 
> 
> Drink water, take your meds, eat some food and have an awesome day!

**Author's Note:**

> Same as always tbh, though I'm way more proud of this fic than I have been of any other, and probably than I have any right to be. Honestly, I can't believe how much these dorks have motivated me to write. That, and all you lovely readers <3 I swear this is the nicest fandom in the world <3 
> 
> Again, there's another epilogue which would actually be the dancing, which I might upload if there's enough interest? 
> 
> Comments always welcome and appreciated! And bonus points foranyone getting the title reference :D 
> 
> Have an awesome day/night :D xxx
> 
> (To my lecturers if by the off chance they're reading - I swear this is way better than the essays I owe you.)


End file.
